Headline: Local Fatty Attempts Century Bike Ride--Fails By Half-Century

Well, I only rode 50 miles...but still, I rode 50 miles yesterday!!!

I didn't start out trying to ride this long. I was only going to try to better the Tour de Heart distance (32 miles) by three so that I could say I did 35 miles. But when you've done 35 miles, your whacked out brain asks, "So why not try for 36?" I think you get the idea.

I eventually rode out to Crawfordsville and made a big loop until I returned to my original route and then I rode it home. Except for the area near the Hino plant (where big trucks forced me off the road into the gravel twice!!!--no breakdown lanes!!!) there was not too much traffic to speak of. Of course the weather looked good when I left home at noon--bright and sunny. But when I got to Marion--home of the Patriots, who apparently had cut down every tree for miles around--my old nemesis, the wind, made a roaring reappearance. This week however, it managed to just blow from the northeast without whipping around too badly.

I only ran out of water twice and had to sneak up to a building and get some out of their outdoor faucet. As desolate as it is out there, I almost thought I heard the banjo music from Deliverance playing somewhere in the distance. Wouldn't have mattered though, my rear end was already numb anyway.

In riding 50 miles, the first 40 are not too bad. It's the last excruciating 10 that make you wish you had never been born and long for the sweet, sweet release of death. When I finally made it home at 5:00, I managed to slump off of my bike, take a shower, and crawl into bed where I laid in the fetal position shivering until 9:00. I was then able to move long enough to get a bite to eat, watch some TV with Carmen and then go to bed for real. As I type this now, I actually don't feel too bad or stiff. Let's just hope it stays that way--I have to work tomorrow.

For those of you who love statistics:

• Distance: 50.24 miles
• Time: 4 hrs, 58 mins, 48 secs
• Avg. Speed: 10.0 mph
• Butt Numbness: Off the chart--maybe now I can go back to where I heard that banjo tune?

By the way . . . if anyone is interested, I finally broke out of the 280s. I weighed in at 275.6 lbs. yesterday. :) Pretty soon I'll be able to sing this song with Justin Timberlake.